Beyond fear to . . .

The experience of fear has dissipated quite a bit. Just letting things be is powerful. I have had strong memories come up. And I'm getting more good sleep, which is always important.

Now what is there, blocking me in this writing project, is indecision and perfectionism. And a sense that what I started nearly four years ago, when I applied for a fellowship from the university to work on the book, isn't there any longer. The desire to write a book, I mean.

I know I can take the 300+ pages I have written, cut some stuff out, and have at least an OK book. What I want, though, is a wonderful book that people will actually want to read.

That, of course, takes me back into tailoring what I'm writing to some imagined audience. It's important when writing to know who you audience is, we're taught.

I notice thoughts of "I should show the academic heavyweights that I can write as well as them."

And, "I can't write in too casual a manner."

And I've made several false (?) starts.

I have thoughts that it is overwhelming, that it is more than I can do, that I have asked myself to do too much.